


i saw her for the first time (and i was lonely for the last time)

by danahscott



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: About Time AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29347494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danahscott/pseuds/danahscott
Summary: When John Murphy's father told him that he can time travel, he feared that Alex's illness was getting the best of him -- turns out he was right. Murphy is able to get everything he wants and more; that is, until time catches up with his dead.Or Murphy/Raven About Time AUThis fic was written for t100ficforblm (on tumblr and twitter and instagram). A donation was made to Philadelphia Lawyers for Social Equity, an organization that provides free legal advice and representation to low-income Philadelphia residents whose criminal records are holding them back from achieving their social and career potentials.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & John Murphy, Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes, John Murphy/Raven Reyes, Monty Green & John Murphy
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10
Collections: The t100 Writers for BLM Initiative





	i saw her for the first time (and i was lonely for the last time)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [animmortalist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/animmortalist/gifts).



> hey guys! this is my first fic for t100 fic for black lives matter and i'm so happy to be part of this initiative! this is based on one of my favorite movies, about time, which i highly recommend you all go and watch! if you like what you read, please consider prompting me (or any of the other great writers in the initiative)! you can do this through any of the initiative's social media pages (@t100fic-for-blm on tumblr, @t100fic_for_blm on twitter and instagram). i am also a content creator, meaning you can request a gifset/photoset or video from me! my tumblr is @bellamysgriffin and my youtube is DHSproductions! i create mainly for bellarke, but clearly i am open to more than that <3
> 
> i hope you guys enjoy this fic i spent a whole month working on it! <3

When Murphy's father called him in on New Year's Day and told him the big family secret, the first thing Murphy thought was that they were so much more fucked than he'd realized. He sat down across from his father, and said seriously, "Dad, have you been taking your medication?" And Murphy was never serious, so that should show his father that there was an issue in dire need of addressing.

To Murphy's surprise, his father laughed. Murphy's stomach sank farther, until he was pretty sure it would fall out of his body altogether. The diagnosis of his father's cancer was a shock to the entire family, and it was only one month old. His dad's case was serious, meaning the very real possibility of living life without him in the near to immediate future loomed in front of Murphy, huge and dark and ugly. Still, it was supposed to be cancer of the lung, not brain.

But he could think of no other explanation for what his father just told him than that his illness had already started catching up to him. Because when Murphy walked into the room, the words that came out of his father's mouth were: "John, I've got something rather serious to tell you about. It's a secret of the family, and you're not to tell anyone."

"Oh no, you don't have cancer or anything, do you?" Murphy asked, who had lately been using humor as a coping mechanism, as he did with most serious issues in his life.

His father smiled, ever-so-slightly, and said, "The simple fact is that the men in this family had always had the ability to… well, to travel in time." When he was met with silence, he amended his statement. "Travel back in time, I meant. We can't travel into the future, at least, not that I know of."

This was about where Murphy got convinced that his father's brain was rapidly deteriorating, which just about brings everything up to date, right up to where Alex Murphy laughs at his son's concern, and Murphy goes pale, which was impressive for someone who was already pretty white to begin with.

"This has nothing to do with my health," his father said, shrugging. "It's true."

"Right. Because that seems plausible." Murphy, who had only just sat down, suddenly sprang up and began pacing, feeling the need to walk around the room. For someone who was almost always at ease, or at least appeared to be, he didn't know how to deal with his father's sudden lapse into insanity. "So you're telling me that you and your brothers and your dad and everyone… they all bounce around throughout history."

"Well, not exactly. It's not as exciting as it seems. I can only go to places I've already been."

"You're right. Not exciting at all. Look," Murphy said, suddenly freezing in place and looking at his dad, hard. "Do I need to get mom?"

"You don't need to get your mother. Why don't you try it, and if it doesn't work, we can have that serious discussion about my health that you're clearly dying to have?"

Murphy swallowed, hard, but he figured that there was no harm in humoring him, at least for the next ten minutes. The time-travel method his father explained was very simple. Go into a dark, somewhat cramped space, clench your fists, and focus on the memory you'd like to return to.

"That's it?" Murphy asked.

"That's it."

"Fine. But when I come back after standing in the broom closet with my fists clenched for five minutes, we're going to have a conversation."

His father laughed. "Let's just see how it goes. Oh, and Murphy?"

Murphy turned around, already halfway out the door. "What?"

"Try and do something interesting."

With a roll of his eyes and a half-salute, Murphy went off to do the bidding of a lunatic. However, since it happened to be a lunatic he loved very dearly, he figured he might as well give it a try.

Did he know that his entire life was going to change? Does anyone? If he didn't know it on the way to the broom closet, he certainly knew when, with a sort of exhilarating panic, after just five seconds of standing in the dark clenching his fists, he felt the entire world changing around him, spinning back to the first thing Murphy could think of, the only thing he really thought might be worth changing.

A slow smile grew on his face. Well. This was going to be interesting.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Murphy had only really had one friend in high school, if he was being honest, and that was mostly because Monty hooked him up with the best weed. By proxy, that meant he was sort of friends with Jasper too, but since Monty was the only one he had an actual class with, his relationship with Jasper was more of a cordial nod before reaching for a blunt.

He'd always been kind of a loner.

Still, he'd liked Monty. Monty was nice, helped him with the bio homework that Murphy more often than not forgot to do, and always had a place for him at the lunch table. So, when he spent nearly all of senior year talking about some blond chick named Harper, Murphy figured he might as well do Monty a solid and hook them up when opportunity struck and Harper was assigned as his partner for an English project.

There was nothing unclear about the evening, both Harper and Monty knew they were on a date, and from the bar, Murphy could see that they were enjoying it. It had felt good, for those few minutes at least, to do something nice for his friend. Of course, that's where the nice part of the memory ended. Because Murphy, who'd had a fake ID since he was fifteen, had gotten wasted, decided it would be a good idea to go nudge things along, and ended up saying something stupid that he couldn't remember the next day. Then, he spilled a tray of drinks all over Harper and the waiter who'd been passing by.

Monty had decided to drive Murphy home since Murphy, who didn't even have his license, certainly couldn't drive himself, couldn't walk home either, meaning he had to cut the evening short. That wouldn't have been so bad, except for the fact that Harper got a ride home with Wells, one of their classmates who was conveniently a server at the restaurant, his shift only just ending.

Apparently, they'd hit it off on the ride home, and come Monday, they were an item. Monty never made Murphy feel bad about that night, but he definitely didn't shut up about Harper. He'd stayed single the rest of high school and a while after, as far as Murphy knew. And the worst part was, Wells had broken things off with Harper during their first semester of college, and since Monty was already across the country from her, it seemed everyone had missed their chance.

It wasn't like this was Murphy's biggest regret, but aside from occasionally putting his foot in his mouth, he didn't have a ton of those. So, he emerged from the restaurant's bathroom, with only one goal in mind. Stay sober. Observe from afar. Besides, he'd only ever been there because Monty didn't have a car and he hadn't wanted to bum a ride from his parents, so instead, he'd used Murphy's parents' car who were more than happy to oblige.

It was strange, spending a couple of hours in the past. It had only been three years since this night had passed, but Murphy found himself annoyed by his long hair, missing his beard that had gotten him his first few girlfriends, that he was still banking on getting him a few more. But it was nice, seeing Monty glance up at him from across the room, a shy smile on his face.

After receiving Monty's text that he was going to catch a ride home with Harper, Murphy figured it was safe to go back. Maybe the whole Monty and Harper thing would fizzle out in a couple of weeks, but at least Murphy wouldn't have made an ass out of himself, and at least Monty wouldn't have something to resent Murphy for, not even in secret.

So, he did what his dad had told him to, heading into the bathroom, shutting all the lights off and finding himself in the broom closet once again.

For a moment, he stood there, breath coming quickly. It had seemed so normal for a second, being in the past, being there again, that the wonder of what he'd just done hadn't fully sunken in. There was no ignoring it now, though. Because with his new memories, Murphy knew that Monty and Harper were not only going three years strong, but that Harper played a mean game of beer pong and had let him crash on her couch not just once, but three times.

So. That was an interesting change. Slowly, he walked back into his living room where his father was waiting patiently. Very calmly, he sat down on the sofa and met his father's gaze, his face completely impassive.

"Well?" his dad said. "What did you do?"

Murphy grinned. "That's none of your business."

He'd gotten his smile from his father, and now they sat in the room together, having just shared what would be the biggest secret of Murphy's life, wearing matching grins. "So, I guess I'm not being committed after all?" his dad said.

"No. I guess not."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

That summer was one of the best of Murphy's life. It was incredible having a secret, and especially having one this big. He pretty much never got in trouble with his parents anymore. Plus, he and Monty were better friends now that he hadn't cost him the love of his life, and Harper was great, which meant he got to hang out with them all the time. It was strange having two sets of memories in his head, but no stranger than he could handle.

There were other perks too. Murphy had notoriously failed every driving test he'd ever taken since he was sixteen, so at a certain point, he'd just given up. Everywhere he wanted to go was in walking distance, and if it wasn't, then Monty could always drive him. And now there were no undesirable links between Murphy and cars for Monty, so it wasn't even a problem.

Still, for someone like Murphy, who'd valued his independence since he could walk on his own, having a license didn't seem like the worst idea ever. His only problem was that he was pretty much always assigned to the tightass driving evaluator who would fail you on the most minor of transgressions. Then, there was the pushover evaluator who marked down what you did wrong and let you have your license anyway.

Or so he'd heard. Murphy wasn't that shit at driving, really, he wasn't, he'd just nudge the occasional curb, pause when he should have stopped. And his left turns were a little wide. Allegedly. So, this time, Murphy would make sure he got the right evaluator. And he had unlimited chances to get it.

Even with the ability to time travel, the universe still seemed to hate him. Murphy had come in at 9:00, gotten the hardass, then 10:00, then 3:00, then noon, until finally, at 11:00, he struck gold. Truthfully, he was a little nervous. He'd just failed four tests in a row. But at the very least, those failures had made for good practice.

Just an hour later, much to Monty's relief, Murphy emerged from the DMV in triumph. "I still don't trust you enough to drive us home. But congratulations," Harper said from the front seat. His friends had come out to support him.

That was a small victory, but it was a victory nonetheless, and one afforded to him only by virtue of his family gift.

He finished up his last semester of college, a local school he'd been going to, his special power placing him firmly on the pass side of every pass-fail class. He wasn't shooting for A's or anything - didn't want to push his luck - but it was a relief to have the extra help.

Still, he found that there were limits to this power. It couldn't do everything. As he watched his father get sicker and sicker, he found himself sometimes wondering what the point of this gift was if he couldn't save the people he loved the most. He tried not to get too down about that.

A full year later, though, and his dad was still with them, not doing great, but not doing terribly either, and Murphy was pretty sure he'd gotten the hang of the time travel thing. As soon as graduation had ended, his parents, with a firm decision from his father, had come to the conclusion that it was time for him to move out.

Murphy wanted to be close to home, there for his dad whenever he might need it, but they were right. It was time for him to make it on his own. And Murphy would be lying if he said he'd never been attracted to the glistening lights of the city of Arkadia.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Well, he lived alone now, in a shoebox apartment, but a nice enough one all the same. He'd gotten a job working at a bar called The Dropship. Monty still lived back at home, he'd taken up some cushy job in a laboratory or something like that, meaning he was often too busy for Murphy, and Murphy was often too busy for him. Every now and then, they'd meet up in the city for a drink, but the every-now-and-thens got fewer and fewer.

Murphy, who was always a loner, was even more so now, thriving off of solitude. He felt like his own person now, free, free from any tether or any burden. If a problem arose, he undid it. It was as simple as that. But life changed for Murphy, as it does for everyone, whether they can travel in time or not. It changed the day his father was going in for a very important surgery.

His treatment seemed to be working, but he'd taken a sudden decline. His mother had insisted that Murphy didn't come home, that everything would be fine, and that he should stay in Arkadia, that she'd call him as soon as his dad's operation had finished.

Solitude was all fine and dandy when things were going well, but Murphy really, really didn't want to be alone tonight. He'd tried to get a shift at The Dropship, but they were all filled up, so it was either stare at his wall with a deepening sense of dread all night or… or call Monty. He'd elected to do the latter. They'd made plans to meet up at this other bar, Camp Jaha, around 8:00, when Monty's late hours at the lab were done.

His father was supposed to get out of surgery around 10:00, so the timing couldn't be better. When the day came, Murphy decided to take it one step at a time. He wished more than anything that he could travel to the future, travel to tomorrow, when the operation was over, so he could know exactly how it went and not have to worry about this shit anymore.

Yes, he wished he could skip this evening. But he wasn't going to be wishing that for very long.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

It was around 9:15 that Murphy fully accepted that Monty wasn't coming. He checked his phone for cell service, powered it off and on just in case his notifications weren't coming through, and refreshed each app on his phone about ten times, feeling pathetic, like he was chasing after some girl in high school instead of waiting for his friend to show.

It was true that he hadn't seen Monty in a while, but they must have fallen out of touch harder than Murphy had thought because he had never known Monty to stand anyone up. Which meant that, in all likelihood, Monty had forgotten about Murphy, about meeting up after work, about their usual bar, about their friendship. Or maybe Murphy was just feeling more down than usual considering his dad was in surgery and not only did he have no idea how it was going, but he had no one with him to distract him from it.

So, it turned out the night was going worse than he'd expected. And since he was already expecting it to be shitty, he had abandoned any idea that he wasn't going to get wasted and ordered another drink.

But, as things tend to happen, it was just when he'd given up on the night that he heard a voice behind him. "You're nursing that beer pretty hard."

Murphy sighed, looking behind him, expecting to shrug off whichever girl was trying to grab his attention, but for a moment, any semblance of thought had abandoned him. This girl was decidedly the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, let alone the most beautiful woman to ever talk to him. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail with a couple strands framing her face. She was wearing this orange bomber jacket that looked kind of old and worn, but somehow, that just made it cooler. And she didn't wait for Murphy to respond before sliding onto the barstool next to him.

"Well," Murphy said, slowly, casually, "I'm usually on the other side of the bar. Just trying to put myself in the customer's shoes. Anything to provide better service."  
He was surprised when the girl laughed at his lame attempt for a joke, though she did roll her eyes a little. "You bartend?" she asked him. Murphy nodded. "I used to bartend. In college."

"That would explain the whole prying into a stranger's personal life."

She shrugged, taking a long swig from her drink. "Force of habit."

"Guess I never got the knack of listening to people drown their sorrows. My coworker loves it."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he wants to be a writer. He says it gives him good material. He does enough listening for the both of us."

"Sounds like a rare breed," she said.

"Trust me. He is." A brief silence lolled between them, and Murphy found himself, for once, being the first to break it. "So what do you do now then?"

"I'm an engineer," the girl said, smiling.

Oh, christ, Murphy thought. So she's smart too. Out loud, he said, "Downgrade. Tough luck."

"Very funny," she said, rolling her eyes again, but she was smiling too. "What about you? You wanna be a bartender forever?"

He took a sip of his drink. "Well, I don't have any other ambitions at the present."

"Really? There's nothing else you want to do."

Murphy thought for a second. Truthfully, he hadn't considered that question too hard. He figured he'd get another job if he got tired of this one, if the opportunity arose. But what he found himself saying was, "It might be nice to run the place."

"You want to open a bar?"

He shrugged. "I don't really want to do anything. But, if I have to do something, yeah, that sounds like it would suck the least."

For a moment, she just smiled at him. Then, she took a sharp left turn. "Speaking of things sucking, what was with your face before?"

"You just keep going, don't you?" he said, shaking his head in mock astonishment.

"It's one of my many charms. Plus, I'm bored. So? What was it?"

"Nothing," Murphy said, unhesitatingly. Finally, the girl leaned back in her seat, nodding, but it was written all over her face that she wasn't buying it for a second. And Murphy hated that expression. He loved it. It was a challenge. And it was clear that if he didn't spill his guts to this total stranger, she'd assume that she'd won, or at the very least, that he'd lost. So he sighed, looking away, and settled for, "I got stood up."

"Ouch. By a date?"

"I wish. My friend, Monty. It had been a while, but I didn't think it had been that long. Which sucks because he's kinda my only friend at the moment."

"What about that coworker?" she asked him.

Murphy raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Bellamy? He's… alright, I guess. Bit of a loner." Truthfully, he had never considered Bellamy as a friend. Sometimes they got a drink after work, but that just meant making themselves something from the bar before closing. The girl still sat there, expectantly, waiting for more to the story. He could tell her about everything if he wanted, about his dad, about the loneliness that accompanied independence, but he wasn't actually the flaunt-his-woes kind of person. So, he kept it vague. "I don't know. Lately, things have been kind of… I guess I could have used the friendly face."

At that she smiled, just a little, not showing her teeth at all, and goddammit if it wasn't the cutest thing he'd ever seen.

Murphy found himself smiling back. "You're not the worst substitute the universe could have provided."

"Should I take that as a compliment?"

Murphy laughed. "Take it however you like."

There was the briefest of silences. Then, she said, "As a come-on, then."

Fighting the look of total and utter shock from appearing on his face would be one of the greatest triumphs of his life. He'd gotten this girl to like him? Without even trying? Miracles can happen, he thought. "What's your name?" he asked.  
"Raven. You?"

"Murphy."

"Nickname?"

"Last name."

"What's your full name?"

"John Murphy," he said, after briefly considering whether to include his middle name in that sentence and then firmly deciding against it.

Raven wrinkled her nose. "You're right. Murphy suits you better." She held her hand out for his phone, and gladly, Murphy unlocked it and handed it to her, watching on bated breath as she added herself to his contacts. Her name in his phone, willingly given, for him to use. Hard to imagine a quicker change of fortune than this. She finished, handing him his phone back and sliding off the barstool. "Give me a call, Murphy. I promise I won't stand you up."  
Then, he watched as she walked out of the bar, grinning at him over her shoulder, and disappeared into the night. But Murphy barely had time to register what miracle had just befallen him before his phone pinged with a notification from his mom: Surgery done, all went perfectly. We'll call u in the morning 3

He leaned heavily onto the bar, downing his drink, breathing the biggest sigh of relief of his life. He figured that, since there was no way the night could get better than this, it was time to head home. He grabbed his jacket from the stool next to him, dropping a twenty down to cover the drinks he ordered. But as he went for the door, his phone buzzed in his pocket one more time. Murphy frowned at the Caller ID.

"Harper?"

"Murphy. Something's happened."

Murphy stood up straighter, his stomach sinking. "What is it?"

"It's Monty."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

The time to tell the story didn't take long. Monty had been at the lab. He'd stopped by a fellow chemist's labspace on the way out of the building. In attempts to lower his carbon footprint, he'd taken to carpooling, and since his friend commuted to Arkadia, he was planning on catching a ride with him.

Except, before either of them had the chance to leave the lab, there was an accident. A reaction that never should have occurred. Monty caught it before it was happening, shoving the beakers off the table, shattering glass everywhere, and shielding his friend. "He's okay," Harper said shakily, "except for…"

"Except for what?" Murphy said, heart pounding.

"His hands. They're saying he might never be able to work with them again."

Well, that was all Murphy needed to hear. He found the nearest dark cupboard and he went back, all the way back to hours before he was supposed to meet Monty, when he was still in his apartment, his jacket hanging on the hook. A change of location was all he would need to take care of, and that meant meeting Monty where he was and not the other way around. There were plenty of bars to try near the lab, and since Murphy would be driving down, Monty didn't need to stop by his coworker's office, and his hands would remain intact.

But it was only when Monty was out of the building and in the passenger seat of Murphy's car that he allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief. From there, the rest of the night was great. Since he already knew how his dad's surgery had gone, there was nothing hanging over his head, and he was able to enjoy a good time with his best friend.

That wasn't the bad part. The bad part would come the next morning.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

He had dropped Monty off at his place, driven home, drank just enough more to give him a hangover, then passed out in his bed. But when he woke up the next day, he was only thinking about the girl he'd dreamt about. Raven. Was it too early to give her a call?

He pulled up his phone, not planning on calling her necessarily, but longing to see her name in his contacts, to know that when he wanted to, he could see her again. But she wasn't there after a search. Or after a second one. Or after he scoured each name on his contact list not once, not twice, but five times. How had he lost her number? He'd seen her put it into his phone? Unless… unless she'd been messing with him? No, Murphy thought firmly. He hadn't been making up last night. He hadn't. Raven was real. And he was going to see her again.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

So, he went back to Camp Jaha the next night. And the night after. And three nights after that. He wasn't going to give up. He was sure she'd show her face around there some time or other. He wished he'd asked her more questions, like where she worked, or her last name. But he remembered everything else about that conversation, about her smile, about her laugh, about that cute jacket she was wearing. He'd know her the minute she walked through the door.

And, eventually she did. It sort of made sense that she'd wait until the weekend like most people. Bellamy had pestered Murphy with odd questions about why he booked it out of work just so he could go to a different bar, but Murphy had shrugged him off with a, "Mind your business, asshole," and Bellamy hadn't bothered him any more after that.

Oh, but finally, finally, there she was. Her hair was down this time, cascading over her shoulders in loose, glossy curls. She looked even prettier than the last time he saw her. Only she wasn't alone. There was some blonde chick with her, kinda cute, though not really Murphy's type. No matter. He wasn't going to waste any time.

Murphy crossed the bar until he was standing directly across from her. "Raven?" he said. He would find out very soon that he said this with all too much confidence.

She raised her eyebrows. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"Murphy," he said, after a slightly awkward pause. "We met at the…" He gestured vaguely to the stools where they had sat, but dropped his hands when the confusion didn't leave her face. "You don't remember me?"

She laughed, but not in an exactly friendly way. "I'm pretty sure I'd remember meeting you."

Murphy felt his heart sinking. He was such a dumbass. He'd spent almost two years with this power, and he still had no idea how to use it. Of course she didn't remember him. "I guess you just have one of those faces," he said, lamely.

"She doesn't," a voice from his right came. The blonde girl. She didn't look happy to see him. "Murphy, did you say it was?"

He nodded, distractedly. "Yeah, sorry, who are you?"

"None of your business," she replied, voice clipped. "If you're gonna hit on my friend, you should just come right out and say it. This bit is a little tired, don't you think?"

Murphy's eyes widened, and then slowly, he smiled. "Wait, I'm… well, I'm not not hitting on her, but that's not a line. We've met," he said, turning back to Raven, "you just don't remember it because…"

"Because it never happened?" she finished, not too unkindly, but a bit brusquely, if he was being honest.

Murphy sighed. "Something like that."

"Well, sorry, really," she said, clapping a hand to his arm, "but I'm spoken for."

"You're what? By who?"

"By my boyfriend. Wick."

"Is this - is this a recent thing, or…?"

She laughed. "If last Friday is recent, then yeah."

"When did this… uh, when did this thing happen?"

"At a party. My friend Echo's place. I'm sorry, why are you prying?"

Funny. Now he was the one doing the prying, and not in the endearing tell-me-your-woes way, but more in the please-don't-be-a-stalker way. "I knew your name, didn't I? I was at a party Friday night, I probably met you there."  
Raven frowned. "On 34th and Jackson?"

"Damn," Murphy said, wrinkling his nose in mock disappointment. "Must be thinking of something else. Have a nice night." Then he spun on his heels and walked out the door. The last thing he heard before facing the chilly night time air was her friend's voice saying, "Well, that was weird."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

So clearly that could have gone better. But no matter, Murphy wasn't sweating it, not yet. In fact, he had somewhere very important to be and he was a whole week late.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

It wasn't hard to find Echo's party. He made his way to 34th and Jackson, and there was only one house lit up like a disco ball. Murphy only hoped whoever was in charge of the door didn't have too rigorous a vetting process when it came to letting people in.

He was in luck. He merely claimed to be a friend of Raven's and he was escorted in, but that wasn't too surprising considering the place was packed. The music was so loud he wondered how anyone was supposed to meet anyone here. But he had one mission in mind: find Raven before the asshole she ended up dating did.

But, like in so many other ways, he was already too late. She was on the balcony, which was kind of a relief, because he'd been craving fresh air the moment he'd set foot inside. Plus, the smell of stale beer wasn't really appealing unless you were the one drinking it.

Last time, he'd stumbled into Raven's good graces. This time, he was going to turn on the charm. Should be a piece of cake, even if she was talking to the cartoonishly attractive blond guy like he was the best thing in the room. But he didn't set his sights on Raven, not yet. First, he needed to get her away from him.

"Hey," Murphy said, striding up to the couple as confidently as he could manage. "Someone's looking for you, uh… over there?" He gestured awkwardly to somewhere inside the house, ideally as far from the balcony as possible.

But this guy had Murphy's number almost immediately. "Yeah. What's my name, then?"

Murphy grinned. "Wick."

Wick was quiet for a long moment, still suspicious. "Who's looking for me?" he said, finally.

"Some girl. Super tall. Dark hair." He hadn't seen anyone with that description inside, so that should keep him looking for a while.

But he hit his mark even better than he'd hoped, because Wick finally bought the lie. "I think I know who you're talking about," he said, frowning. He looked to Raven, who had clearly dressed for this occasion, wearing a silver sparkly dress draped in all the right places, hair curled and spilling over her shoulders. "Sorry, Raven. I'll be right back."

She smiled, casually, as if she knew she had him where she wanted him. "I'm holding you to that."

"Look hard!" Murphy called, as Wick and his broad shoulders disappeared into the throng of people and the flashing lights, "Don't come back until you find her!" He and Raven were the only ones on the balcony now, and he kept his grin intact and as charming as he could make it. "No one's looking for him. I thought I'd liberate you."

Raven furrowed her eyebrows. "But you knew his name."

"Of course I knew his name. I wanted to know who was talking to the most beautiful girl in the room all night."

Raven didn't accept the line. "You didn't consider that maybe, just maybe, I was enjoying his conversation?"

"Not as much as you'd be enjoying mine."

"Wow," she said, turning away towards the railing. "Someone's confident."

Murphy slid into place beside her. He wished they were way up high, looking down on everything instead of just the backyard of her friend, Echo. But the air was cool without being cold and they could hear the wind blowing through the trees, so it was certainly better than being inside. "It's one of my many charms."

"What did you say your name was?"

"I didn't. It's Murphy."

"Nickname?"

He smiled inwardly. They had done this before. "Last name."

"Full name?"

"John Murphy."

"Alright, John," she said, and only then did Murphy suspect that this conversation might be going slightly south. No one called him John unless they were angry with him. Somehow, he felt like Raven could sense that. "You know what you remind me of?" He shook his head, still smiling, but tentatively now. "A cockroach."

"Ouch."

"I don't mean in a bad way," she said, but he got the sense she kind of did. "Clearly, you're resourceful. And you seem… resilient. Like something that would be hard to kill. Am I off the mark?"

Murphy swallowed, thickly. "No. You're not."  
"Great," she said, smiling, clapping a friendly hand to his shoulder. "Then I think you'll survive being rejected."

"Wait, what?" he asked, sounding (and feeling) like an idiot.

"Don't get too down. You're cute. But… cockroaches aren't really my type." And then Murphy had to watch as she disappeared inside the party to find her broad-shouldered asshole (who was only an asshole because thinking so made Murphy feel better), leaving him all alone on the balcony, without even a drink.

Truthfully, he wasn't precisely sure where he'd messed up so badly. It must have been in his initial approach. But that didn't matter, he thought, getting his hopes up. Because he had unlimited chances to try again.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Except the second time was a dud. And the third. And the fourth time, too. He was reminded of that poem he'd read in English class in high school: "Quoth the raven, nevermore."

Well, he finally understood what it meant. He went back in, tired and thoroughly humbled by countless rejections from the girl of his dreams. He saw her through the balcony window, in that beautiful silver dress, laughing and shining and completely untouchable.

And as soon as he felt the cold air hit touch his skin again, he knew it was time to give up. He made his way over to the end of the balcony, trying his hardest not to listen in her conversation with Wick. The first (and only) time he'd gotten Raven's number had been a fluke. And that made sense to Murphy. The only time a guy like him would be able to get a girl like her was by accident. He'd had the moment, and the moment had gone. He didn't regret it. It was more important to save Monty's hands than to go on a date with Raven, but only just.

Only barely. Hell, he was just glad he'd grabbed a drink this time.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Of course, he still noticed when Wick disappeared into the party, presumably to get another drink or use the bathroom or something, leaving Raven all alone on the balcony. He didn't look her way, though, no matter how aware he was of her presence.

But his heart was in his throat when he felt her finding a place next to him, her elbows draped casually over the balcony railing. His breath fogged up in front of him in the cold evening air. "Nursing that drink pretty hard, huh?"

Murphy shrugged, though he couldn't shake the pleasurable sensation of deja vu. "I'm not really a party person."

She raised an eyebrow, considering him. "Yeah, you don't look it."

Murphy laughed. "Do I take that as a compliment?"

"If you want to," Raven said.

"Well, what about you? Are you a party person?"

She sighed. "Depends on the party."

"Is this one a winner, then?" Then, he glanced at her and laughed at himself. "Oh, what am I saying, you look like you've stepped right out of an ABBA song."

She laughed, and he felt proud of that sound, proud of the knowledge that it was caused by him. "My colleague invited me. Kind of like a date."

"Mr. Broad Shoulders?" Murphy asked.

"That would be the one."

"Lucky you, he's cute."

"Oh?" Raven said. "Is he your type?"

Murphy laughed again. "No, not really."

"Then what is your type?" she asked. If Murphy didn't know better, he would say she was flirting. But he did know better. This was it for him and Raven, this conversation. He didn't believe in soulmates, anyway. He just mourned this missed opportunity.

So, he couldn't help himself when he said, "Honestly?"

"No, lie to me. Of course, honestly."

He shrugged, but there was tension in his shoulders, tension that he hoped Raven couldn't notice. "You."

She looked at him, a bit surprised at his sudden boldness, but then she smiled, showing all her teeth. "You haven't said a word to me all night."

"Trust me, if I thought I stood a chance with you, I would have. Maybe in another life. Over another drink," he said, an inside joke with himself that was more sad than funny.

But Raven simply looked over her shoulder, to the house where Wick was probably making his way back to her and said, "Speaking of other drinks, feel like getting one?"

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Just like that. When he wasn't even trying, he'd gotten her attention. Murphy felt like he could sing, if he was the singing type. As it was, he laughed his way through a late night with Raven at a bar he'd never heard of, just around the corner from Echo's party, where poor, clueless Wick was probably wondering how he'd fucked it up badly enough that Raven would ditch him with a random guy. Well, with those shoulders, he'd bounce back.

At the end of the night, and only one drink later, she turned to him and said, "Wanna walk me back to my car?"

Like there was any chance he was gonna say no to that. Still, when twenty minutes later they still hadn't found it, he turned to her and asked, "Jesus, how far did you park?"

Raven shrugged, unconcerned. "We're almost there," she said.

She was lying. It took fifteen extra minutes before she stopped. "Well, this is it." She gestured to a small black car that looked like it was a junker she'd repaired herself.

They stood in silence for a long moment. "Are you gonna get in?" Murphy asked.

"No," Raven said, shaking her head, smiling coyly. She gestured to the building behind them. "I got a ride to the party. This is my place."

Murphy tried fighting the grin that sprung to his face, but what was the point? He knew exactly what this meant, and it meant that for once in his godforsaken life, he'd lucked out.

"So," Raven said, leaning into him. "since we're here, would you like to come up?"

"Well, let me think about it first." He paused, pretending to mull it over, when really he was working up the courage to do what he'd wanted to do from the moment he first laid eyes on her, and kissed her. Her lips were soft, softer than any lips he'd ever kissed before. They tasted vaguely of gin and the faintest trace of cherry lip gloss. His hands were in her hair and the best moment of his life to date was when he could feel her smiling against him.

So, obviously, he came up.

They stood in the darkness at the door, just silhouettes facing each other, on the precipice of something great. "So, I'm gonna go inside and put on my new pajamas," Raven said, "and then maybe in a couple of minutes you can come in and take them off." He couldn't see her face in the darkness, but he could imagine the cheeky grin accompanying those words.

Still, as she turned to head into her room, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back into him. "Why wait?" he said, crashing his lips into hers.

And for what they did next, well. He didn't need any do-overs for that.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

And so began the happiest times of Murphy's life. Every morning, he'd wake up next to Raven, if not in her apartment, then in his. And she was the one next to him when he got the call telling him his dad was in remission. He was there to talk her through a big promotion, and she was his designated driver if he ever got too drunk during a late night with Bellamy.

A real relationship. Maybe the first one Murphy had actually had. The strangest part was that he hadn't gotten sick of it yet, not even close. In fact, whatever time he spent with Raven was never enough. So, because her commute was more important, and because her apartment was bigger, and also because he generally did what she wanted, he moved into her place.

He really knew it was real, though, when he was introduced to her friends. Raven had a lot of friends, but none more important than Clarke. That was the name of the scary blonde chick he'd met all those nights ago and then promptly erased. The one who had practically chased him out of the bar.

Murphy would get to know her fairly well over the coming years, but they would always keep each other at an arm's length. There was something almost rigid about her, and at the same time, something almost solid. She was undoubtedly kind, but there was a coolness that could be off-putting, and unlike him, she didn't use sarcasm to deflect anything. Apart from Raven, there were few people he respected more, but she always kind of scared him. Still, she and Raven were a package deal. That was clear from the first night he met her.

(Not counting the previous infraction, of course.)

They were at Camp Jaha, catching a drink. Turned out, that was Raven's favorite bar, so maybe the universe had nudged him in the right direction when he'd picked it out on a whim that one fateful night. Or maybe he'd just gotten lucky, as he already had, in so many ways. The first part of the evening was mainly Raven nudging both of them into conversation, while Murphy maintained a vague, defensive silence, and Clarke's gaze seemed to be silently sizing him up.

"As the two most important people in my life," Raven said, cheerily, oblivious (perhaps willfully so) to any tension in the air, "I'm glad we finally did this."  
"Me too," Clarke said airily, taking a long swig of straight whiskey. No grimace after or anything.

"So," Murphy said, in what he had assumed would be the mildest of questions possible, "how did you guys meet?"

Raven and Clarke shared a very meaningful look. "You should probably take this one," Clarke said, "being the girlfriend and all."

Raven laughed, though there was the slightest nervousness to it. "This one's all you, Griffin."  
"What am I missing here?" Murphy said, feeling as if he'd already made a misstep.

Clarke shrugged, meeting his eye squarely. "I guess you could say I was her 'other woman.'"

Murphy raised his eyebrows, not exactly sure what to make of that, before Raven sighed, rolling her eyes and said, "My highschool boyfriend, Finn and I. We were together for, like, five years. In the last six months, I guess he got bored with me, so he started banging Clarke whenever my back was turned."

"And how'd you find that out?" he asked carefully.

Raven smiled. "She told me."

"Didn't take long for us to realize we liked each other way better than we ever liked him in the first place," Clarke said, and it was only then that Murphy could see the gentleness in her smile, the true tenderness she felt for Raven. That was the moment he decided that he liked Clarke, if only in the theoretical 'she makes my girlfriend happy' kind of way.

"And the rest is history."

"Besides, Raven is twice the person Finn ever was," Clarke said, taking a drink again. "Better in bed too."

Murphy, who had inopportunely decided now was a great time to take a swig of his beer, choked on his drink. "Sorry, what?"

Raven's smile was almost sheepish, but it was more like she was telling him about an inside joke of theirs instead of a night in bed together. "It was only the one time. I usually lean towards guys, but I don't know. There was something kind of empowering about making love to the girl by boyfriend had been fucking."

Murphy laughed at that, pointing to Clarke. "And was that what it was for you?"

Clarke shrugged again, but her eyes were dancing. "Look at her. Would you have said no?" Then she raised an eyebrow, perhaps realizing who she was talking to. "Well. I guess the answer to that is obvious."  
Murphy let out a low chuckle, shaking his head. If he didn't like Clarke Griffin, at least he could understand her.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Raven becoming friends with Bellamy, though, that was by complete accident. It wasn't that Murphy didn't want them to meet, it wasn't that at all. And he'd already introduced her to Monty and Harper which was a match made in heaven.

It was more that he and Bellamy becoming friends, solid friends, was more of a recent advancement, and not truly by either of their choice. Bellamy was a good drinking buddy and Murphy was a good designated driver if it came down to it, but they didn't have a lot in common except for work. And then, tragedy struck in Bellamy's life.

Now, Murphy didn't know a whole lot about his coworker, but anyone who talked to him for five minutes would know that Bellamy loved the hell out of his little sister. He didn't fess up to what had caused the dark circles under his eyes, the gruff tone he used with practically everyone and the excessive drinking until he was already, well, really fucking drunk.

An old friend from college that Bellamy hadn't known super well came into town to visit. His name was Atom. Bellamy's sister, Octavia, had been in a bit of a downward spiral, so he tried introducing them to each other, convinced that they'd hit it off. "Well, they did," Bellamy had said to Murphy, wryly. "Well enough for him to convince her to be his backup on an armed robbery." He'd sunk his head into his hands, desperately trying to tell Murphy that he hadn't known Atom was a criminal, that he hadn't known his sister would be susceptible to anything like that. He'd been at work when it happened, and he wasn't able to protect her, not from this one.

And they were never the kind of family to have the money to lawyer up good, so within months, his sister was sentenced to ten years and he was convinced that he'd ruined the only good thing in his life.

So, the aspiring novelist Bellamy that Murphy had the pleasure of getting vaguely annoyed with had all but vanished, leaving this mess in his wake. Murphy didn't mean to befriend Bellamy, but after a story like that, he couldn't help himself. After all, he'd learned it from someone he loved very much, and that would become very clear very soon.

Raven had taken to picking Murphy up from work on her way from the lab, a sort of ritual. Until one night she came inside and saw Bellamy, drowning his sorrows. She couldn't help it either. She was the kind of person who stepped up, always, who needed to help as much as she wanted to help. Murphy loved her for that.

So that was how Bellamy became Murphy's best friend in the whole world, and a frequent guest on his and Raven's couch. Between Harper and Monty, Clarke and Bellamy, and of course, one beautiful Raven Reyes, Murphy was starting to create a family away from his family. He was starting to live the life he'd only dreamed of having.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

But it was only about a year after Murphy had met Raven that disaster struck in the form of Monty Green. Murphy had known that Monty and Raven would make great friends, that was why he had introduced him. They were both scientists, they both knew a lot about engineering and mechanics, and they were two of the best people he knew.

But of course, like most things in Murphy's life, that backfired the moment Monty announced he was moving away. "I'm getting transferred to New York," he'd said, one night while they were over at Harper and Monty's place. He was smiling as he said it, which was the only indication that this was a good thing. Of course it was. Of course this was a good thing - for Monty. So Murphy was determined not to be sullen about it. His two closest friends were moving away, but whatever. Okay, fine. "But there's a position that just opened up," Monty continued, talking to Raven now with no indication that he even noticed Murphy was in the room. "And I know you always dreamed of living in New York, so I thought of you. I put a good word in with my boss, so, there'd be a few formalities but it's yours for the taking, if you want it."

Raven blinked, stunned. She didn't look at Murphy either. "Wow. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to have the option."

"Wow," Raven said again. "Thanks, Monty." Then, and only then, did she catch Murphy's eye, giving him a tiny, happy shrug. So. Murphy spends all his time being nice to Monty, he goes back in time to change his life for the better, and Monty repays him by shipping his girlfriend halfway across the country?

Well. Strictly speaking, Murphy wasn't exactly proud of what happened next. He was supposed to be the designated driver for him and Raven, but since Monty and Harper didn't know that, they didn't say anything when he reached for a beer. He didn't drink enough to get wasted, just enough so he wouldn't be able to drive home. A shitty move, perhaps, but a calculated one. So, once the night ended, though there was no more talk about that position, it was all Murphy could think about. And Raven was tipsy and Murphy was buzzed, and despite offers from Harper to take the couch, Murphy was insistent they had to get home. So Harper would drive Raven back in her car and Monty would take Murphy back in Murphy's car, then hitch a ride back with Harper. Yeah, he'd caused problems for three people, but it was all part of his master plan, and since Monty was his best friend, Murphy would need his help.

He waited until Harper and Raven's car disappeared around the corner before turning to Monty. "We have to make a stop on the way back."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Raven was asleep on the couch when he finally got back. Harper, who'd been waiting in their apartment whispered to him as she crept out the door, "Monty texted me your plan. Good luck!" She squeezed his shoulder, and then she was gone. Murphy had the fleeting desire to hug her, but no matter. There would be plenty of time for that after. Hopefully.

He knelt by the couch, his face close to Raven's. For a moment, he just watched her. He felt lucky just to be there with her right now, to touch her, to hold her, to love her and be loved by her. He'd gotten way too lucky so far in his life. Here's hoping he was going to get lucky tonight (in more ways than one).

Gently, he shook her awake.

Raven blinked, eyes bleary, sitting up. Murphy turned on the lamp next to them, casting her in a warm yellow light. "What took you so long?" she said.

Then she saw the ring.

"Oh my god."

"Raven," Murphy started. His tongue felt dry in his mouth. "I never want you to be anywhere that I'm not. So, I think we should get married, and have kids, and stay here in Arkadia forever." Truth be told, that was a bit more eloquent in his head.

Raven was quiet for a moment, her face completely unreadable. Then, true to character, she rolled her eyes. "Murphy, I'm not moving to New York."

Murphy's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but then he swallowed heavily. "No, I know. I know that."

"Really? So that's not why you bought a ring on your way home?"

Murphy opened his mouth with the full intention of lying, but he could never lie to Raven. "Okay, fine, I didn't want you to move to New York and leave me here. Happy?"

Raven laughed, sounding tired. "Good night, Murphy," she said, rolling over, but his arm shot out, stopping her. He hadn't even really known that he was going to do that, and it seemed he'd surprised the both of them.

"Wait."

Raven sighed, sitting up. "Okay. I'm waiting."

"Yes, I proposed because I didn't want you to move away."

"I wasn't going to -"

"Just listen. That doesn't mean I don't want to marry you. I was just too much of a dumbass to realize it until now." Well, that shut Raven up. Murphy felt emboldened so he kept going. "I want to be wherever you are. If that's in New York, great. If that's here, even better. But you are it for me." He wanted to say more, say something better, but that was really all he knew she needed. Raven was quiet for a long, long time. "So?" Murphy said, finally.

Raven reached for the ring. "Let me see." She considered it for a moment, then she smiled. "I think it'll do."

Murphy's grin was slow, but the joy was instantaneous. He closed the distance between them and kissed her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. It was all the more sweeter to taste her when he knew that he'd have her for the rest of his life.

Raven pulled away, her lips centimeters from his. "Bet you five dollars Monty and Harper are waiting in the hall."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

As usual, Raven was right, and since an engagement called for champagne, Monty and Harper ended up crashing on Murphy and Raven's couch instead of going home. "Totally worth it," Harper said, kissing Raven on the cheek.

When Murphy finally fell asleep, it was in Raven's arms, knowing for the first time that he had something that would last. Something that wasn't going away, no matter what happened. And he didn't claim to know much in this life, but he did know that he couldn't wait for the rest of it to start.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

From there, things moved… very quickly. They made the trip to see Murphy's parents a month and a half later. They'd wanted to go sooner, but, well… certain complications got in the way. They went down as soon as possible. After all, they had a very important announcement to make and his folks hadn't even met Raven yet.

But upon arriving, he was struck by how healthy his father looked. There was a glow in his cheeks again, hair on his head, and even a spring in his step. He looked like the dad Murphy remembered, and it seemed that remission was treating him well. He let Raven fend for herself with his mother while he caught up with Alex Murphy across the beach.

"Well, she seems like a lovely girl," his dad said, and Murphy smiled.

"She's pretty much the best person I know," Murphy replied, then added, "no offense."

"And how much of this do we owe to our family secret?"

Murphy groaned, dreading the memory of his several failed attempts at getting Raven to go out with him. "Just the beginning. The rest, I nailed on the first go." That wasn't strictly true, but all the big things had gone relatively okay.

"I take it she was hard to get?"

"Understatement of the century."

"But she was worth all the trouble?" his dad said softly.

Murphy looked over at Raven. She was grinning, her hands gesturing wildly, clearly winning his mom over without even trying to. "Yeah," Murphy said. "She was."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

They decided to wait until dinner to make the announcement. Better to test the waters first, get them used to the idea of Raven before they had to get used to the idea of Raven forever. But by sundown, Murphy was pretty sure his mom preferred her to him.

That meant he had no fears at all when he caught his dad's eye with a smile and prepared to say what he had to say. "So, uh… I'm glad you like my girlfriend, because she's not exactly my girlfriend anymore." His mother's eyebrows shot up, half in hope, half in dread. "She's my fiance."

For two people, his parents sure made a lot of noise. They broke into cheers, his mother started crying, his father crossed the table so he could hug his future daughter-in-law. For a moment, Murphy wondered how such dramatic people could produce a son like him, but then he felt himself grinning and knew that this was exactly the reaction he had hoped for.

"This calls for champagne!" his mom said, cheerily.

"Oh," Raven said, looking only slightly nervous, "make sure to keep it to three glasses."

The cheers dissipated as fast as they had arrived. His father looked at him in shocked silence. "You're not…" he whispered.

"Afraid so," Murphy said, grinning.

Needless to say, more tears were shed that night. (But Murphy would never own up to that.)

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Well, they were going to need to rush the wedding plans just a little bit, considering Raven wanted to fit into her wedding dress and they were going to have to spend the majority of the coming months preparing for the baby. So, the wedding was a small affair, held on the beach at his childhood home, with their closest friends and family.

They'd never been superstitious people, but Raven refused to let him see the dress until she was walking down the aisle. The moment he saw her, he knew why. Like always, she wanted to surprise him, and today, of all days, Raven was a vision in red. Only she would wear bright red on her wedding day.

She always had said that red was her color, and damn was she right. The reception was nice, and it was strange to see some worlds colliding. Monty and Harper had naturally come back from New York, some of Raven's college friends were there, even Wick had made it. Bellamy was sulking in a corner, drinking away like always. Clarke was in the same corner, but that was mostly because she didn't like parties and it was the most vacant.

Raven came over and whispered to Murphy, "You left Clarke alone with Bellamy?"

Murphy furrowed his eyebrows, looking over, confused. "Yeah, what's the big deal?"

"They'll kill each other."

"I'm sure they'll get along just fine," he said, just in time for the sound of fighting to make its way across the room.

Raven sighed. "I'll take this one." Then, with a grin, "Hey, we might be ready to be parents already!"

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

One of the harder parts for Murphy was figuring out who his best man should be. Monty was an obvious choice, but the best man had to make a toast, and well, Murphy had enough memories of Public Speaking in high school to know that wouldn't be a good idea. Bellamy could talk his way around any crowd, but Murphy had a gut feeling that his foot would end up in his mouth one way or another.

In the end, he went with his dad, which turned out to be the best choice he could make.

"I'd only give one piece of advice to anyone marrying," his dad had said, standing in front of everyone he knew and shining. "We're all quite similar in the end. We all get old and tell the same tales too many times. But try and marry someone kind. John Murphy would never want you to know it, but he is a remarkably kind man, and I think this will be a very kind marriage. I'm not particularly proud of many things in my life, but I am very proud to be the father of my son."

And at the end of the night, before he and Raven would get into a car and fly to Scotland for a week, Murphy had whispered to his father, "I'm proud too, Dad. I wanted you to know that."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

As so it began, Raven and Murphy's life together. Only seven and a half months after the wedding, Raven gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. "Maya Murphy," she'd whispered, a late night in the hospital. "Sounds pretty badass."

"Yeah. She'll probably take after me, then," Murphy said, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the little girl, her tiny fingers wrapped around his pinky.

"No way. She's way cooler than that, aren't you, Maya?"

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

After that, life was so busy and so delightful, that it almost never occurred to Murphy to go back and change anything. (Although, after redoing his interview for the position of manager at The Dropship five times, he had successfully won the promotion, so he hadn't forgotten about his powers entirely.)

If Murphy was to go back, it would only have been because he wanted to live through a few things twice. But he still felt so unprepared to be the father of such a perfect little girl, to hold her in his arms and realize that he had made this and that she was his responsibility now. He'd never felt such a strong combination of love and fear on a regular basis.

And of course, Raven was just the best mom ever, nailing everything they'd read about in the several parenting books Clarke had bought them in a well-intentioned attempt to help with something she admittedly knew nothing about. Murphy's dad was of course an excellent grandfather, and Harper and Monty made Murphy FaceTime them many times per week just to look at Maya.

But no one in Murphy's life loved that kid more than Bellamy. It was strange. It had been years now since Octavia was locked up, but if there was a change within Bellamy, it was for the worse and not the better. Murphy and Raven had had many late night conversations about it, about their worry for Bellamy. He was Murphy's best friend and he was becoming more and more reckless with each unanswered letter he sent to his sister. Whether she didn't respond out of anger or out of shame, nobody knew.

He'd been having one night stand after one night stand, and once, after one of his and Murphy's typical post-work drinking sessions, he'd refused a ride from Raven and gotten mugged on the way home. Nothing more than a black eye and a missing wallet, but he hadn't called anyone and he'd laughed when telling Murphy about it the next day. Needless to say, Raven never let him walk back to his place again. But that didn't stop Bellamy. The drinking was getting worse, and one day, Murphy saw his car passing by a coffee shop that he and Raven had stopped at for the first time, and let's just say Bellamy was lucky no cops were around to give him a ticket for the speed he was going at.

But Bellamy just came alive around Maya. He was like a different person. And since he was one of the most important people in Murphy's life, he figured that the more exposure Bellamy could get to Maya and vice versa, the better for everyone involved. And he was right.

For a little while, anyway.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Time passed all too quickly, as it tended to do when you had something very precious and you were tasked with the terrifying prospect of watching them grow. So, Maya's first birthday had arrived all too soon, and Raven and Murphy wanted to make the most of it. They invited all their closest friends and family, and even Monty and Harper had made the trip. They'd been dying to meet Maya and it had been too long anyway. Clarke, Maya's godmother, had brought a gift larger than the baby itself, which was her idea of a job well done and Murphy had to agree.

But it wasn't until thirty minutes after the party had started that Raven had brought the elephant in the room to Murphy's attention. "Where's Bellamy?"

Murphy furrowed his eyebrows, checking the time. He'd texted Murphy just this morning that he was going to come, that he'd bought a gift and everything. Somehow, Murphy knew. Already, he knew that something very bad had happened. The phone call informing him of the fact half an hour later was only confirming the fact.

Of course he was Bellamy's emergency contact. In some ways, Murphy and Raven were all Bellamy had. So, at Maya's first birthday party, Murphy was the first to know that Bellamy Blake had been in a horrible car accident. He'd been drinking. He'd been speeding. He was in stable condition, but that was all Murphy was told over the phone. If he were anyone else, he would have gone straight to the hospital.

But goddammit, Murphy was not anyone else. Murphy was a time traveller, and now was the time to use that gift.

"Who was that on the phone?" Raven said, blissfully unaware. Murphy would ensure that she stayed that way.

"Just a wrong number. I'll be right back."

He didn't need much time. Only a couple of hours. Long enough to pick Bellamy up and deliver him to where he belonged, safe and sound. Murphy couldn't be spared the pain of that shock, of the phone call. But no one else needed to endure this. Certainly not Bellamy.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

So, Murphy picked Bellamy up and brought him to the party an entire hour early. It still wasn't early enough. Bellamy was still stinking drunk. "Where's the birthday girl?" Bellamy said to Raven, the moment he walked through the door.

Raven pointed, "In the living room with her grandpa." But her eyes were narrowing in suspicion.

"Sorry," Murphy said. "I had to pick him up."

"I thought he was going to drive himself."

"Turns out he couldn't."

Raven was quiet for a moment. "Is everything okay?"

But just then, the doorbell rang, signalling another guest arriving. "Later," Murphy said. And they would talk later. Because what happened today with Bellamy was only a symptom, not the problem itself. And Murphy was going to fix it.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

"I'm worried about Bellamy," Raven had said, later, after the party was over and Bellamy had crashed on their couch.

"I know," he said.

"He's not usually this bad, is he?"

Murphy sighed. "Octavia was denied parole. Found out on the ride over."

"God." Raven closed her eyes and Murphy knew she was feeling Bellamy's pain as acutely as he was.

"He's been getting reckless, he's been drinking. We have to do something to fix it."

Raven nodded, but there was something she wasn't quite saying. "Yeah. But, you know, if it's gonna be fixed, I think he probably has to do it himself."

"Maybe," Murphy said. "Maybe not."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

The next morning, Murphy didn't let Bellamy go home, not yet. Instead, they went out on a walk together. Murphy had been so wrapped up with Maya that he hadn't even realized his friend was drowning. Not anymore. Not today. "Bellamy," Murphy said, "this has to quit."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"It's like you have a death wish."

Bellamy didn't respond, merely shrugging. Not exactly the response Murphy had been looking for.

"What good would your death do everyone who knows you?"

Bellamy laughed. "Murphy, you and Raven and Maya are the only good things in my life. And sooner or later, I'm gonna find some way to fuck it up."

"How would you fuck this up?"

He shrugged again, not meeting Murphy's eyes. "The way I do everything else."

"Bellamy," Murphy said quietly. He stopped walking, and he wouldn't speak until Bellamy met his eyes. "What happened to Octavia -"

"Don't. Don't go there."

"What happened with your sister -"

"I mean it, Murphy."

There was a tense silence. Murphy could see the fear in his friend's eyes. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't know what that guy would ask her, and you had no idea she would say yes."

Bellamy bit his lip, looking away again. "Yes, it was. I introduced her to Atom. If I could just go back in time and undo it… Everything would be better now."

What Murphy said next, he said almost without thinking. But no part of him doubted it, not for a moment. "Bellamy, I have to tell you a secret."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

It took some convincing for Bellamy to give time travel a try. He was always one of the most skeptical people Murphy knew, never truly trusting anything, let alone anything like this. But once Murphy put it like, "If I'm wrong, worst case scenario, you have to hold my hand in the dark for ten seconds longer than you'd have wanted to in your entire life," Bellamy sighed, and said, "Okay. What is there to lose?"

So, they'd gone back to the apartment, hidden in the broom cupboard, and prepared to change everything. "What day did Atom come stay with you?"

Bellamy replied unhesitatingly with the exact date he arrived. He must have gone over that day so many times in his mind. Well, Murphy wasn't bringing them there. He was bringing them to the day before.

"I've never tried this with anyone else before."

"Yeah, just get it over with so I can feel like a dumbass sooner."

"You're gonna owe me so hard, man."

And then, within five seconds, they were there. At the bar. Luckily, they'd been working a shift together the night before everything went down. This was before they were even really friends, when Murphy and Raven had just started things.

Bellamy turned to Murphy, wide-eyed. "Holy shit."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, just do what you have to do."

"Holy shit!"

"C'mon, focus."

"Right. What… what do I do now?"

"You call him. Stop him from coming."

Bellamy nodded, grinning in disbelief. "On it."

Murphy hung back as Bellamy paced the bar, yelling into his cellphone with a level of vitriol Murphy did not know he possessed. And if there were a few expletives thrown in, well, Murphy was just glad his daughter wasn't there to hear her godfather talking that way.

He finished the phone call and turned to Murphy, exhilarated. "What now?" he said, breathlessly.

"Now we go back." So they did. From the stock cabinet of the bar to the broom cupboard in Murphy's house, years later. "Well?" Murphy said, turning to Bellamy, who looked stunned, almost dazed.

"It's the strangest thing."

"What is?"

"Clarke."

Oh. Well, Murphy hadn't been expecting that to come out of his friend's mouth. "Raven's Clarke?"

"Yeah," Bellamy said, a soft smile that Murphy had never seen before emerging on his face like a flower blooming. "My Clarke." He held up his hand, and Murphy saw a ring that hadn't been there before.

"She's kind of uptight," Murphy said, still feeling too surprised for words.

"She's not, though. That's the thing."

"And Octavia?"

Bellamy's look darkened, but only a little. "She's having a rough time of it. But she's not in prison." Even in the dark of the closet, Murphy could see tears glimmering in Bellamy's eyes as he wrapped his arms around his friend. "Thank you, Murphy. Just… thank you."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

It was that simple. The new reality was starting to make sense to Murphy, too, as he showed Bellamy out the door. His step was lighter, his eyes were brighter, and he was calling Clarke while he was on his way out the door. A job well done, Murphy thought. A job very well done. Raven would be proud - that is, if he could tell her.

Instead, he headed into his living room, ready to spend some more time with Maya. It was about time for their daily walk around the park. "Give me a minute, Murphy," Raven yelled from the other room, "I'm just changing into something warmer."

"Yeah, no worries," he shouted back. It was good that she was in a different room. The look on his face would have given everything away. Because he went to pick up his baby, the baby girl he had fallen so in love with. And all he was left with was a stranger.

Murphy shook his head. A baby boy, dressed in blue. Murphy didn't even know his name. "I'll be back," he said softly, setting the child down. It had been so long since he'd gone back in time. It had been so long since he'd made a mistake.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

So there he was, back at the hospital, the day his baby came into the world. "Dad, can I ask you something?"

They were alone in the hall. Clarke and Raven and Murphy's mother were inside, but Murphy and Alex had been tasked with grabbing the coffees. Good thing, because Murphy needed a moment alone.

"I can't go back past the birth, can I?"

"No," his dad said instantly, and Murphy's heart sank. "I should have mentioned that. You're okay till it comes out, but the exact sperm at the exact right moment gave you this particular baby. You change one thing, no matter how tiny, and they're gone."

"So, every day up until yesterday is…?"

"The past. Just like for everybody else."

"Okay. Thanks, dad. I gotta go."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

In the end, he undid everything. Not just the phone call to Atom, but picking Bellamy up before the crash. As usual, Raven was right. Bellamy was going to have to help himself. And what better wake-up call than this?

Still, it didn't feel better, not as Murphy and Raven sat, bleary-eyed in the hospital room, looking at their friend, unconscious, covered in cuts and scrapes. Murphy wished there could have been another way to stop this, but there wasn't. He knew that now.

"Hey," a voice said softly behind them, rousing Raven from sleep and drawing Murphy's attention. It was Clarke, with Maya in a stroller. She had offered to watch her while they stayed here. Murphy looked at his daughter greedily, as if he couldn't look long enough. It had been difficult, sitting here, knowing he could have stopped this. But the image of Maya Murphy sitting right in front of him was worth it. He would never risk her existence again.

"How are you holding up?" Clarke asked Raven.

"I don't know. It feels pretty shitty right now."

"I baked you cookies."

"Really?" Murphy, who had tried Clarke's cooking before, said incredulously.

She rolled her eyes. "Then I burnt them. So I bought these." She handed the bag to Murphy who dropped it unceremoniously on the floor. "I talked to the doctor outside. He's gonna be okay. He's got a concussion, but that's it. He'll be totally fine."

Murphy considered her, trying to figure out where her concern was placed. It seemed entirely meant for Raven, but… maybe not?

"I won't linger too long, just wanted to drop by, give you those, and let you see Maya's face for a few minutes."

"I'll tell Bellamy you stopped by," Murphy said, to which Clarke blinked, surprised.

"Right. Give him my best wishes." And then, she was gone, but the gears in Murphy's head were spinning.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Only an hour and a half later, the doctors had weaned Bellamy off whatever sedatives they'd put him on and he was awake. Groggy, ashamed, but awake. "Go home."

"No," Raven said, reaching for Bellamy's hand. "Not until we're sure nothing like this will ever happen again."

Bellamy sighed. "I have to stop drinking, don't I?"

"Now that's more like it," Murphy said.

"And I have to…" He trailed off, swallowing thickly. "I have to stop writing letters to Octavia."

"It's gonna be okay, Bellamy," Raven said quietly. "You're not going through this alone."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

But it wasn't until they were about to leave that Murphy dared venture the question. "Hey, Clarke stopped by."

"Your friend Clarke?" Bellamy said, knitting his eyebrows in confusion.

"Raven's friend Clarke."

Raven cleared her throat pointedly. "Our friend Clarke."

"Anyway, she left you these." He dropped the unopened bag of cookies on the small table beside his bed. "She seemed pretty torn up."

"She did?" Bellamy said, skeptically.

"Yeah," Murphy said, then lowering his voice, he whispered, "I think she's always had kind of a thing for you."

"I always thought she hated me a little."

"Nope. You should ask her out."

"Huh," Bellamy said, getting lost in thought. "Maybe I will."

In the hall, Raven swatted him on the arm. "What was that?"

"Just an idea," Murphy said. "Something I have a good feeling about."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

A joy that Murphy had never even slightly seen coming emerged in his life. The joy of watching his best friend fall in love. He had never thought of Bellamy and Clarke as a suitable fit. Raven had advised keeping them as far apart as possible. But all it took was seeing them together one time, after they'd already been on a few dates, to understand that Bellamy was lucky enough to find what he had found in Raven.

And life continued, as it tended to do. Murphy and Raven moved into a house that they absolutely couldn't afford yet, but desperately needed, releasing a whole new series of domestic disputes to occupy them.

"Hey, babe?" Raven said one night. Murphy grimaced. She only ever called him "babe" when she was pissed.

"Yeah?" he ventured.

She poked her head into the room. "What did I say about leaving the kitchen cabinets open after you take something out?"

"You see, the thing is -"

"And what did I tell you I'd do to you next time you forgot?"  
Murphy remembered very well - she'd described it rather vividly. But just then, the phone rang. "Well, I'd answer you, but I have to get that."

Raven shook her head. "Saved by the bell."

But that was the moment that everything changed. It's funny. You never really see it coming. "Hello?" Raven must have read what he was hearing on his face, because that was how he knew it was real. When her dread reflected his. "No, mom, it's okay. We'll be right there."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

And that's how Murphy found himself in the doorway of his childhood home, on the precipice of the end of everything he had ever known. The door opened, and Raven, who had always been popular with his mother, went to the other room, leaving Murphy with as soft a look as she could give, knowing there was nothing to soften the blow of what was coming.

His feet took him there without his mind even thinking about it. Years of habit, working away. "Dad," he said softly in the doorway.

Alex Murphy looked at his son, dark circles under his eyes, thin as ever, and John Murphy did everything he could not to cry.

"Oh, for God's sake, not you too."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I just came to ask for some money," Murphy joked weakly. He sat down on the couch, across from his father. "There's nothing you can do?"

"I got diagnosed as soon as possible, but… no. It's back for good this time, I'm afraid."

"I just thought… you know, with our time thing -"

"We can't stop death, son. That was never part of the deal. I'm sorry."

Murphy was quiet for a long moment. His teeth dug into his bottom lip until he tasted blood. "Have we had this conversation before?"

"I'm dying. You can't make me answer that question."

"Well, if you're gonna play it that way."

"I'm sorry we had to call. It suddenly got very bad."

Murphy felt the familiar feeling, his stomach sinking. "How long do you have?"

"We might have years."

"But?"

"More likely weeks."

Murphy nodded, his breath coming quickly, a tear slipping out and rolling down his cheek in spite of himself.

"Don't do that," his father said. "I've been lucky, I mean it. The only people who can retire at fifty are time travellers who want to play more table tennis with their son. I've had so much extra time. And besides, I don't want to discuss this anymore. I have something to tell you."

"What, there's another family secret?" Murphy asked, wearily.

"Something like that. Unless you want to find out for yourself?"

Murphy laughed. "No. We both know I'd never figure it out, whatever it is."

And so, weeks before his death, Alex Murphy told his son the most important thing he knew: the secret for happiness. And John Murphy listened.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

At first, Murphy was skeptical. How could he not be? Living through life once was hard enough. But the secret for happiness was simple. Go through the day as normal, with all its little stresses and anxieties that block you from noticing all the little things, the secret glimpses you get once a week if you're lucky.

Then, at the end of the night, go back to the start of the day and notice. It sounded tedious. It sounded wasteful. And his day had been mediocre at best, if a bit boring.

But still, Murphy tried it.

And then there were so many things. The twinkle in Raven's eyes as she rolled out of bed in the morning. The familiar song on the stranger's too-loud headphones sitting next to him on the train. The nervous energy of the girl in the shop who gave him too much change back and made him laugh. The face he and Bellamy made at each other across the bar as Bellamy comforted a girl crying into her 4:00 pm beer.

The little glimpses his dad had told him about, but now they were all here, in front of him, every day. And like that, Murphy's life was transformed as Alex Murphy's life was transformed before him.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Of course, some days, you didn't want to live more than once. Some days, you didn't want to go through at all. True to his word, Alex Murphy died only six weeks after telling his son the secret for happiness. But how could Murphy ever be happy again?

The service was at his childhood house, as his wedding had been, as all the most important days of his life had been. Bellamy came for support, and because Bellamy came, Clarke came, which gave Murphy the most distant buzz of satisfaction, of a job well done. Raven didn't leave his side. But as the living room got more and more crowded with all the people who had loved his father, Murphy excused himself.

He didn't want to be here. There was only one place he wanted to be. In the dark of the closet, he clenched his fists tightly. He walked back into the living room.

And there was his father, sitting on the sofa, a book in hand. "You know, I didn't care for this much when I read it in school, but it's got some great bits," he said, not looking up. But he must have sensed the change in Murphy, or maybe the silence had lingered too long, because he met Murphy's gaze. "Where have you come from?"

Murphy cleared his throat. "It's the…" His voice failed him. He couldn't finish the sentence.

He didn't need to. "Oh. Big day. Thanks for stopping by." A brief silence lingered as Murphy greedily took in his dad's face, his hands, his mismatched socks. So full of life that he was brimming with it. "How's Uncle Kane's suit?"

And then, Murphy laughed, and things almost felt like old times. "More expensive than the house, I'm sure."

"Excellent. And you have the Johnny Cash song?"

Murphy rolled his eyes. His father was the only person he knew who would want country music played at his funeral. "It's taken care of."

His dad's eyes flickered back down to the book and up again. "You want to hear this bit?"

Murphy smiled. "Yeah. Read away. I've got plenty of time."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Murphy had really thought that maybe, just maybe, things could continue like that forever. Really, he did. That he'd have this life with Raven in the present, and whenever he missed the dead, he could go back and see them, no harm done. He spent hours with his dad in the middle of completely ordinary days. He told him about his life now, about all the things Alex Murphy would never get to see for himself.

But as usual, life intervened. This time, it intervened in the form of his wife. And he could never really say no to Raven.

"What do you think about having another kid?"

Murphy blinked, taken aback. "You really want one? That looked like it hurt last time."

Raven rolled her eyes. "I can take it."

"I don't know, Raven," Murphy said, but his eyes flickered over to where Maya, now three, played in the late-afternoon sun.

"You're being serious?" Raven asked.

"I just… Do you really think we're ready?"

"I'm ready. And if you're as good a father to our next child as you are to our daughter, then you're ready too."

"It's just…" It's just that saying yes to the future meant saying goodbye to his dad. Forever. There would be no going back. It was the hardest decision he ever had to make. "Maybe we can wait a bit."

"Okay," Raven said, but he knew that tone of voice. Within a month, she was pregnant. And time with his father was running out.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

He thought - or he had hoped - that maybe, just maybe, the nine months would feel like nine months usually felt. After all, it was the better part of a year, and he could make the most of it. But it didn't matter how much time he spent with his father. The months slipped through his fingers like sand, and before he knew it, he was lying in bed with Raven, his beautiful wife, his hand draped over her swollen middle, and she was whispering, "It really could be tonight. I can feel it."

That was what she had said last time, and she had been right. "Give me a moment, Raven. I'll be right back," he whispered, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Each footstep drew him closer to the finish, and he realized that it would never have been enough time. He would never have been able to spend enough moments with his father. Never. So this would have to do.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

It was a simple day Murphy had chosen. The first time he and Raven had visited with the new baby. He and his dad spent the afternoon playing table tennis in the sun room as Raven and his mother took Maya out for a stroll around the neighborhood, and for the first time in years, his father had won. "Oh my god. I feel like I should get a ribbon for this or something." Those words. Exactly. Just like the day Murphy had first heard them. Murphy had laughed back then.

But now he just stood there, numb, looking at his dad.

"Okay, what's going on with your face?"

Murphy opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. He couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Oh. I see," his dad said. Knowing, as always, what Murphy was thinking without ever having to hear it out loud. "This is it, then?"

"It's my last bit of extra time. The baby is completely on the way."

"I see."

"I wish… I wish we had more time."

His dad crossed the distance between them, taking Murphy in his arms for the first time in ages, in as long as Murphy could remember. "My son, we've had all the time in the world." He kept waiting for his dad to pull away first, but he didn't, and neither did Murphy. He wanted to stay like this forever. At least for a little longer. "You know why everyone calls me Alex?" His father whispered in his ear.

"Uh, because it's your name?"

"Why they call me Alex and not Murphy like they had for the first thirty-five years of my life?"

"People used to call you Murphy?"

"It's because I had a five year old boy who just hated the name John." Finally he pulled away from the embrace and they stood there, looking at each other. "You were the best thing I ever did. And you will be an incredible father to your new baby."

Murphy nodded, biting back tears. "Is there anything you want to do?"

A light went on in his dad's eyes. "There's this one thing. Strictly against the rules, but if we're very careful…"

So, hand in hand with his dad, in the closet, fists clenched and mind working hard, John Murphy became ten years old again. His dad, young and limber, before cancer had ever touched him, carried him on his shoulders. They ran on the beach, felt the wind on their hair. Murphy learned how to skip rocks, just as he had for real that day. They didn't talk about anything that would happen, nothing good, nothing bad. They were just there, in that moment, in the sun and the breeze and the water. And as they sat, just a kid and his dad on the beach, Murphy felt sorrow let go of its hold on his heart.

There would be so much his father never got to see. In the next few years, Murphy and Raven would have a third child. Bellamy and Clarke would become parents, just in time for Octavia to get out of prison. It would be hard, but things would turn out okay. Maya would start school, and as predicted, take after her mother, displaying a precocious aptitude for science. And Murphy, having mastered the secret for happiness, would stop travelling back entirely. Not even for the day. Instead, he would live his life as if each day was special, as if he had chosen to come back. He would be happier than he had ever been. He would want to tell his dad about that.

But right now, they were together in this memory, in this one perfect day. His last gift to his father. His father's last gift to him.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

The next morning, at 10:48, Murphy's son will come into the world, screaming and kicking and crying, making both his parents proud. One hand will be resting on Raven's sweaty forehead, and in the other, Murphy will cradle his son. He will know that he made the right choice. And as he holds his son, looking into his big brown eyes, he will say the first words his baby boy will ever hear. "Hello," Murphy will say. "Hello, Alex."

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed! you can find me on tumblr @bellamysgriffin, i would LOVE to hear from you, and please consider prompting me/the initiative. until next time! <3


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